aka Change Is Hard
I turned 50 almost a month ago. It really wasn't that big of a deal. I had a nice party with lots of friends and booze and enjoyed myself. Of course, that party happened 3 days before I hit the big 5-0, but still had a good time.
But turning 50 also brings up new concerns. I've been at the job I'm not fond of for over 10 years now. It's evident that I will celebrate 11 years in this comfortably unhappy place of employment. Unless I want to change. Which I do. I don't enjoy bitching about this place. It's fodder for the bar and former co-workers. It drains my emotions and time and distracts me from making a change.
Which is what the goal of writing all of this is supposed to do... incite change. Change is hard. Changes are difficult. They need to happen, but the comfortable state is settling for the easy way.
There are plans in the works for change. Perhaps a move to California. At the very least, deciding what best to do for income. Because when I look towards 11 years and turning 51 in 11 months, I want to look back and see a change. Not just another similar entry taking about change.
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
September 4, 2013
December 5, 2012
Second Rate
There are days when I feel like a second rate person. I'm an overall positive person, some of the positions I have allowed myself to be placed in make me feel less optimistic about many things.
Job
My job is an unchallenging and unfulfilling place. I see myself relegated to a series of projects that made me excited to be in the IT world to feeling more like the greeter at a Wal-Mart, responsibility wise. I stay at this job for a couple of reasons: one, I get a decent amount of time off each year, and if I'm sane and crazy enough to stay here till May 2013 - my 10 year anniversary - I will acquire another week of vacation time. I do have some flex time when there is no crisis happening, which allows me to take a 2 hour lunch if I need to or run my daughter somewhere. I easily put in over 40 hours a week and usually eat my lunch at my desk, but it's nice to not have to answer to a direct boss (although that is changing once again today).
Home
While my wife and I have a great relationship, there is some intimidation that goes on, as I've blogged about before. Not so much disastrous, but because I've allowed/participated in giving up some control of what goes on, mostly with positive results I might add, but at times, not feeling comfortable to have a voice of my own, just letting my other half make the decisions. And this does work, as I just mentioned, but not all the time as I get resentful here and there. Growing a "set" after years of letting someone else carry that "set" is not an easy transition of occurrence. I attempt it when I reach a limit, and it makes me feel like I might be overstepping my bounds, yet with a bit of relief to finally take the reigns.
Mental
Due to many factors, I've let a lot of what's bothering me creep into my creative side, which has hampered my ability to dedicate time to making videos, writing novels, reading books and going places without my mental state taking a front and center interruption. I am seeing a counselor at this time to help me regain focus, but until I can see myself making a major change, I don't foresee any results being made.
And to segue way into change, it's that enlightened hope that change will bring more enjoyment in my work and home lives, bringing it back to being challenged and using my creative side to make moving forward and reality, and not just something I talk about each and every day.
Job
My job is an unchallenging and unfulfilling place. I see myself relegated to a series of projects that made me excited to be in the IT world to feeling more like the greeter at a Wal-Mart, responsibility wise. I stay at this job for a couple of reasons: one, I get a decent amount of time off each year, and if I'm sane and crazy enough to stay here till May 2013 - my 10 year anniversary - I will acquire another week of vacation time. I do have some flex time when there is no crisis happening, which allows me to take a 2 hour lunch if I need to or run my daughter somewhere. I easily put in over 40 hours a week and usually eat my lunch at my desk, but it's nice to not have to answer to a direct boss (although that is changing once again today).
Home
While my wife and I have a great relationship, there is some intimidation that goes on, as I've blogged about before. Not so much disastrous, but because I've allowed/participated in giving up some control of what goes on, mostly with positive results I might add, but at times, not feeling comfortable to have a voice of my own, just letting my other half make the decisions. And this does work, as I just mentioned, but not all the time as I get resentful here and there. Growing a "set" after years of letting someone else carry that "set" is not an easy transition of occurrence. I attempt it when I reach a limit, and it makes me feel like I might be overstepping my bounds, yet with a bit of relief to finally take the reigns.
Mental
Due to many factors, I've let a lot of what's bothering me creep into my creative side, which has hampered my ability to dedicate time to making videos, writing novels, reading books and going places without my mental state taking a front and center interruption. I am seeing a counselor at this time to help me regain focus, but until I can see myself making a major change, I don't foresee any results being made.
And to segue way into change, it's that enlightened hope that change will bring more enjoyment in my work and home lives, bringing it back to being challenged and using my creative side to make moving forward and reality, and not just something I talk about each and every day.
May 15, 2012
Each Negative That Happens
I've told myself several times in the last year that I've been wanting a change in my life. Going on 27 years in the IT industry, I have found that each time I am tasked with something that has to do with fixing a computer, I cringe or complain or put off the task as long as I can before people start demanding it to be done. Each thing that I see as a negative, it gets me that much closer to pushing myself to changing my situation.
I've reached the point in the last 4 weeks that I really am pushing to leave my job in late September/early October. And not for another IT job. If, for some reason I need to spend one more stint of employment as an IT professional, it will be to pay the bills and just to make a change. But my push is for me to finally get back to where I was in my writing career... happy, excited, challenged and wanting to spend time doing what I like and love to do.
I've reached the point in the last 4 weeks that I really am pushing to leave my job in late September/early October. And not for another IT job. If, for some reason I need to spend one more stint of employment as an IT professional, it will be to pay the bills and just to make a change. But my push is for me to finally get back to where I was in my writing career... happy, excited, challenged and wanting to spend time doing what I like and love to do.
December 6, 2011
Downward Spiral
After a rather lengthy conversation with my wife this past weekend, I have a revelation about myself that I didn't see before. And it's that I have always had an issue with being told what to do. I've known this about myself for sometime now, but the fact that it's been years in the making is what was new to me.
And how much it has affected my life in both good and bad ways. The good is that I'm my own person and tend to still do things, regardless of what others tell me not to do.
The bad is that it's taken it's toll on me accomplishing anything on a regular basis. Sure, I complete projects, but over the last 13 months, I've really let a lot of things slide - day job, exercising, video making, writing, blog posts, helping others... they have all taken a back seat to the mundane process of daily life.
The spiral effect this has caused has been a constant and ongoing frustration for me. It has to stop at some point before it gets worse than it is now. In my own self-diagnosis, it's not a depression. And I do know what's causing it, which is half the battle right there.
Changing how I live my life and how I let others affect me in life is the key to getting out of this downward spiral. And until I decide to act on this change, it's going to be the stale business as usual.
And how much it has affected my life in both good and bad ways. The good is that I'm my own person and tend to still do things, regardless of what others tell me not to do.
The bad is that it's taken it's toll on me accomplishing anything on a regular basis. Sure, I complete projects, but over the last 13 months, I've really let a lot of things slide - day job, exercising, video making, writing, blog posts, helping others... they have all taken a back seat to the mundane process of daily life.
The spiral effect this has caused has been a constant and ongoing frustration for me. It has to stop at some point before it gets worse than it is now. In my own self-diagnosis, it's not a depression. And I do know what's causing it, which is half the battle right there.
Changing how I live my life and how I let others affect me in life is the key to getting out of this downward spiral. And until I decide to act on this change, it's going to be the stale business as usual.
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