Second Rate

There are days when I feel like a second rate person.  I'm an overall positive person, some of the positions I have allowed myself to be placed in make me feel less optimistic about many things.

Job
My job is an unchallenging and unfulfilling place.  I see myself relegated to a series of projects that made me excited to be in the IT world to feeling more like the greeter at a Wal-Mart, responsibility wise.  I stay at this job for a couple of reasons: one, I get a decent amount of time off each year, and if I'm sane and crazy enough to stay here till May 2013 - my 10 year anniversary - I will acquire another week of vacation time.  I do have some flex time when there is no crisis happening, which allows me to take a 2 hour lunch if I need to or run my daughter somewhere.  I easily put in over 40 hours a week and usually eat my lunch at my desk, but it's nice to not have to answer to a direct boss (although that is changing once again today).

Home
While my wife and I have a great relationship, there is some intimidation that goes on, as I've blogged about before.  Not so much disastrous, but because I've allowed/participated in giving up some control of what goes on, mostly with positive results I might add, but at times, not feeling comfortable to have a voice of my own, just letting my other half make the decisions.  And this does work, as I just mentioned, but not all the time as I get resentful here and there.  Growing a "set" after years of letting someone else carry that "set" is not an easy transition of occurrence.  I attempt it when I reach a limit, and it makes me feel like I might be overstepping my bounds, yet with a bit of relief to finally take the reigns.

Mental
Due to many factors, I've let a lot of what's bothering me creep into my creative side, which has hampered my ability to dedicate time to making videos, writing novels, reading books and going places without my mental state taking a front and center interruption.  I am seeing a counselor at this time to help me regain focus, but until I can see myself making a major change, I don't foresee any results being made.

And to segue way into change, it's that enlightened hope that change will bring more enjoyment in my work and home lives, bringing it back to being challenged and using my creative side to make moving forward and reality, and not just something I talk about each and every day.

Reduction

Since last November, I started going back to the gym.  And until the first week of April, I worked out and didn't lose more than three pounds.  Nor did I get any fitter, with the exception of being able to climb stairs without getting overly winded.  I just enjoyed my cheese curds, bacon cheeseburgers and cheese sprinkled liberally on all of my salads.

Starting the second week of April, and after several discussions with a friend, I decided I wanted to see if I could lose more than just three pounds.  So I started counting calories and watching what I eat (which is not to be confused with watching myself eat the food I was putting in my mouth).

Today, I am down 13 pounds since November.  Not my ultimate goal (I still have 5 more pounds to go for that), but it's been nice to see I could do something like this.

Most of the changes came from sticking to a set number of calories I consume each day, combined with exercise most days.  For example, my daily sandwich omits items that carry a lot of calories in a single serving - like mayo (which I love).  A very thin layer conceals the top of the bread.  Replaced the majority of the mayo with mustard (which has little to no calories, depending on the brand and type).

While it's a nice change, I still splurge every so often (mostly booze) and then add an extra 10 minutes to my workout and drink more water.

I've got many more goals, projects and personal tasks I want to get done, and I will use this experience to show I can actually make it work.

Now to go find that 150 calorie snack I brought to work today.

Vacation Return

Returning back to work after a nine-day vacation is not the easiest thing to do.  It's always better when things are busy and not too crazy.  Today was one of those days.  I appreciate them when I can get them.

The idea of taking a long enough vacation is to go somewhere you haven't before and to also have time to unwind.  I was able to accomplish that last week.  Another thing I very much appreciate very much.

I was unplugged from the internet a good deal of the time and while I missed tweeting my every move (ok, I'm not that bad), it was nice to get away from the "checking tweets" mode and enjoy where I was (Alaska).

Now it's back to daily life and waiting for the next set of days I can take some time off.

Each Negative That Happens

I've told myself several times in the last year that I've been wanting a change in my life.  Going on 27 years in the IT industry, I have found that each time I am tasked with something that has to do with fixing a computer, I cringe or complain or put off the task as long as I can before people start demanding it to be done.  Each thing that I see as a negative, it gets me that much closer to pushing myself to changing my situation.

I've reached the point in the last 4 weeks that I really am pushing to leave my job in late September/early October. And not for another IT job. If, for some reason I need to spend one more stint of employment as an IT professional, it will be to pay the bills and just to make a change.  But my push is for me to finally get back to where I was in my writing career... happy, excited, challenged and wanting to spend time doing what I like and love to do.