It appears this will only be my second blog post here for 2014. I don't think that's a bad thing, considering the topics I post out here are mostly bitching and ranting about things in my life. And I've not flooded my main blog with too many details of my struggles with distractions.
Let's just say that I am really wanting and will make an effort for 2015 to be a year where any posts here will be praise for what happened.
It's been an interesting year, based solely off my first post, where I applied for a job but didn't get it and have been stuck at my current job since. There was always a hope to leave. I had a couple of phone interviews and one in person. I realized I am not prepared for an enterprise IT job, at least on a Goldman Sachs level. Nothing like knowing you blew a 2 hour interview 35 mins into it. Learning experience, that's what it's called.
Stuck is an interesting verb to use to explain a situation that's almost entirely in my control. Yes, I applied for jobs this year, but I could have pushed harder. It's most certainly not because I don't want a new job, which I most sorely need for 2015 to be a better success story than 2014 was. I had several job opportunities presented to me, but either I applied and wasn't qualified or I spent too much time pontificating over the position and my confidence level that I never applied. Yes, you read that right.
One of the first courses of action while looking for a professional counselor that understands where I am at is to push for a new job. In fact, I'm making it a goal for January to find something. I feel I have overstayed my welcome here and need this change more than anything to help me get out of my comfortably unhappy state and take that first risk into changing.
Let's see what my next post out here will say. Hope it's a step in the right direction towards gaining a positive foothold back into my life.
Showing posts with label counselor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label counselor. Show all posts
December 31, 2014
December 5, 2012
Second Rate
There are days when I feel like a second rate person. I'm an overall positive person, some of the positions I have allowed myself to be placed in make me feel less optimistic about many things.
Job
My job is an unchallenging and unfulfilling place. I see myself relegated to a series of projects that made me excited to be in the IT world to feeling more like the greeter at a Wal-Mart, responsibility wise. I stay at this job for a couple of reasons: one, I get a decent amount of time off each year, and if I'm sane and crazy enough to stay here till May 2013 - my 10 year anniversary - I will acquire another week of vacation time. I do have some flex time when there is no crisis happening, which allows me to take a 2 hour lunch if I need to or run my daughter somewhere. I easily put in over 40 hours a week and usually eat my lunch at my desk, but it's nice to not have to answer to a direct boss (although that is changing once again today).
Home
While my wife and I have a great relationship, there is some intimidation that goes on, as I've blogged about before. Not so much disastrous, but because I've allowed/participated in giving up some control of what goes on, mostly with positive results I might add, but at times, not feeling comfortable to have a voice of my own, just letting my other half make the decisions. And this does work, as I just mentioned, but not all the time as I get resentful here and there. Growing a "set" after years of letting someone else carry that "set" is not an easy transition of occurrence. I attempt it when I reach a limit, and it makes me feel like I might be overstepping my bounds, yet with a bit of relief to finally take the reigns.
Mental
Due to many factors, I've let a lot of what's bothering me creep into my creative side, which has hampered my ability to dedicate time to making videos, writing novels, reading books and going places without my mental state taking a front and center interruption. I am seeing a counselor at this time to help me regain focus, but until I can see myself making a major change, I don't foresee any results being made.
And to segue way into change, it's that enlightened hope that change will bring more enjoyment in my work and home lives, bringing it back to being challenged and using my creative side to make moving forward and reality, and not just something I talk about each and every day.
Job
My job is an unchallenging and unfulfilling place. I see myself relegated to a series of projects that made me excited to be in the IT world to feeling more like the greeter at a Wal-Mart, responsibility wise. I stay at this job for a couple of reasons: one, I get a decent amount of time off each year, and if I'm sane and crazy enough to stay here till May 2013 - my 10 year anniversary - I will acquire another week of vacation time. I do have some flex time when there is no crisis happening, which allows me to take a 2 hour lunch if I need to or run my daughter somewhere. I easily put in over 40 hours a week and usually eat my lunch at my desk, but it's nice to not have to answer to a direct boss (although that is changing once again today).
Home
While my wife and I have a great relationship, there is some intimidation that goes on, as I've blogged about before. Not so much disastrous, but because I've allowed/participated in giving up some control of what goes on, mostly with positive results I might add, but at times, not feeling comfortable to have a voice of my own, just letting my other half make the decisions. And this does work, as I just mentioned, but not all the time as I get resentful here and there. Growing a "set" after years of letting someone else carry that "set" is not an easy transition of occurrence. I attempt it when I reach a limit, and it makes me feel like I might be overstepping my bounds, yet with a bit of relief to finally take the reigns.
Mental
Due to many factors, I've let a lot of what's bothering me creep into my creative side, which has hampered my ability to dedicate time to making videos, writing novels, reading books and going places without my mental state taking a front and center interruption. I am seeing a counselor at this time to help me regain focus, but until I can see myself making a major change, I don't foresee any results being made.
And to segue way into change, it's that enlightened hope that change will bring more enjoyment in my work and home lives, bringing it back to being challenged and using my creative side to make moving forward and reality, and not just something I talk about each and every day.
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