Life is Just a List of "Don't Do That's"

So last night, I was scheduled off bowling on the summer league.  There was a concert that I was planning to attend, but the band canceled and none of the people I had planned to go with were still wanting to go see the replacement band they scheduled.  So instead, I decided to go cheer my team on while they bowled.

I also found time to visit the bar at the bowling alley and throw back a few drinks.  Now if you've known me when I drink, I'm a happy drinker.  I'm not angry, nor do I get all weird or odd when I drink.  I smile and have a good time.

But as sometimes happens with consuming alcohol, we all tend to increase the volume in our voice to some degree.  And evidently saying the word "whiskey" many times throughout the night was annoying to someone on the other team.  They didn't tell me, but told my wife, who then told me to "tone it down"  The third time she told me this is when she mentioned the person on the other team.  So I toned it down... way down.  To a mostly silent level.

After the last game was over, I congratulated the other team on their win and apologized to the person I was being "too loud" to.  She seemed a bit confused and said that it was ok and that it wasn't an issue.  It wasn't until the car ride home with my wife that I learned SHE was the person I was being "too loud" for, not the other bowling.

This is not new.  There have been many times in the years we have been together that there are things I do that bother her.  Slurping coffee or soup, the occasional smacking of the lips after eating something, shaking my leg at night when I sleep.  And many others.  I have taken note of them after we have our discussion about it, which then turns into me stopping the thing I do.

We ended up having quite the discussion about the "loudness" last night and this morning before I left for work.  She made it known to me that it wasn't about me being happy... she just simply wanted me to tone it down in that particular setting.

How I work and operate is that I try to not do things that annoying people.  And over the years, I've made extra efforts to stop those things around my wife, even to the point to when she is not around, I have that level of "I need to make sure I don't do that"  And in general, that's a respectful thing.  And it has the benefit of, just in case it bothers other people besides my wife, I get a win for not being annoying to the public.

But it's a consumable list of items that I add to here which prompts a long discussion, followed by a cool off period which is then forgotten until I do something else that bothers her and we repeat the whole drama situation over.

I hate drama with a fucking passion and I do what it takes to avoid it at all costs.  Yet, for some reason, as I add now yet another item to my "don't do that" list, I've pushed myself into another round of drama.  Did I make a big deal out of nothing?  Quite possibly, but at the same time, I struggle with the understanding of being with someone who tells me often that I'm a good guy, yet will find the thing that I do that bothers her that makes me question the title of "good guy."

Have I set the bar too high?  Am I that good of a guy that my wife expects so much more out of me and each little thing I do that bugs her has to be squashed?

At this point, it's just a level of frustration added to my list of "don't do that" on top of the other shit that I am personally dealing with (projects in various states of incompleteness) and another dramatic episode that I try so hard not to repeat.

Another round of drinks please.  I'll be over here quietly managing my lists.