Life is Just a List of "Don't Do That's"

So last night, I was scheduled off bowling on the summer league.  There was a concert that I was planning to attend, but the band canceled and none of the people I had planned to go with were still wanting to go see the replacement band they scheduled.  So instead, I decided to go cheer my team on while they bowled.

I also found time to visit the bar at the bowling alley and throw back a few drinks.  Now if you've known me when I drink, I'm a happy drinker.  I'm not angry, nor do I get all weird or odd when I drink.  I smile and have a good time.

But as sometimes happens with consuming alcohol, we all tend to increase the volume in our voice to some degree.  And evidently saying the word "whiskey" many times throughout the night was annoying to someone on the other team.  They didn't tell me, but told my wife, who then told me to "tone it down"  The third time she told me this is when she mentioned the person on the other team.  So I toned it down... way down.  To a mostly silent level.

After the last game was over, I congratulated the other team on their win and apologized to the person I was being "too loud" to.  She seemed a bit confused and said that it was ok and that it wasn't an issue.  It wasn't until the car ride home with my wife that I learned SHE was the person I was being "too loud" for, not the other bowling.

This is not new.  There have been many times in the years we have been together that there are things I do that bother her.  Slurping coffee or soup, the occasional smacking of the lips after eating something, shaking my leg at night when I sleep.  And many others.  I have taken note of them after we have our discussion about it, which then turns into me stopping the thing I do.

We ended up having quite the discussion about the "loudness" last night and this morning before I left for work.  She made it known to me that it wasn't about me being happy... she just simply wanted me to tone it down in that particular setting.

How I work and operate is that I try to not do things that annoying people.  And over the years, I've made extra efforts to stop those things around my wife, even to the point to when she is not around, I have that level of "I need to make sure I don't do that"  And in general, that's a respectful thing.  And it has the benefit of, just in case it bothers other people besides my wife, I get a win for not being annoying to the public.

But it's a consumable list of items that I add to here which prompts a long discussion, followed by a cool off period which is then forgotten until I do something else that bothers her and we repeat the whole drama situation over.

I hate drama with a fucking passion and I do what it takes to avoid it at all costs.  Yet, for some reason, as I add now yet another item to my "don't do that" list, I've pushed myself into another round of drama.  Did I make a big deal out of nothing?  Quite possibly, but at the same time, I struggle with the understanding of being with someone who tells me often that I'm a good guy, yet will find the thing that I do that bothers her that makes me question the title of "good guy."

Have I set the bar too high?  Am I that good of a guy that my wife expects so much more out of me and each little thing I do that bugs her has to be squashed?

At this point, it's just a level of frustration added to my list of "don't do that" on top of the other shit that I am personally dealing with (projects in various states of incompleteness) and another dramatic episode that I try so hard not to repeat.

Another round of drinks please.  I'll be over here quietly managing my lists.

Drive-By Revelation

There are some things that you didn't expect that become the unexpected.

For me, it happened this week.

It wasn't some big event, but it was ego bruising.  And one that I wasn't ready for.

I'm a very social person.  I like to connect to people on different levels.  Even if that person I am trying to connect with doesn't have any instant connection, I try to find one.  Kind of like an accommodation, but mostly me trying to find a topic I can join in lively conversation with.

Well, it seems with some people, I have an annoying side.  Or at least that's what I was informed of.

Actually, I was informed there are TWO annoying things about me.  Here's the first one.

1. I don't know when to stop when discussing a topic of interest.  I like to continue the conversation past the point of the initial topical discussion.

It happened today, at least that's what I was made aware of by another party [my wife].

The conversation was talking about Simpsons episodes.  I wanted to participate, so I brought up part of the episode where Homer gets a helper monkey named Mojo.  It's a funny episode and I like to quote lines from it.  One of the people in the conversation had previously that same day showed me a clip of the episode where they do the Planet of the Apes theater recreation [another equally funny episode].

So I thought, "hey, I'm a big fan of the Simpsons" and threw my trivial intellect into the ring.

If only I would have stopped at "Pray for Mojo"

I continued with my ever-flowing dialogue of the episode.

There was the silence, which I completely missed, until my wife tapped me on the arm.

That was my cue to SHUT THE FUCK UP, which I did.

Tuck that one into the part of my brain that acts like a flash drive with reference points attached that will clue me in to future conversations with said persons.

And here's the other annoying revelation.

2. When I travel, I like to read signs.  If I'm by myself, I sometimes read them to myself.  If there are others in the car, I sometimes read them out loud.  It helps me take a mental reference to places and locations so that if I ever got lost in a city I've not been to before, I can find my way back to the hotel.  Plus, it's my social side wanting to share what I'm seeing.

I've recently been informed this is most annoying to some people.  And I can certainly see how this would come across as bothersome.  To some, it may say, "Hello... fuck tard, I know how to read a sign!"  To others, it may come out as just plain, "I really don't need to hear you narrate your every point of self-navigations."

Up until this point in time, none of the people this bothered had said a single word to me about this.  Maybe they are just being nice.  Maybe they are trying to not hurt my feelings.  Regardless, it was said to someone, who then informed another person [again, my wife], who then relayed this revelation to me.

Once again, I take this one to another spot in my physical flash drive and note another point of conversational reference.

So is this really what going through life is all about?  Remembering dumb shit that bothers other people, so when you are around these people that are bothered by what you do, you take extra efforts to reduce or go silent on the things they are bothered by?

I certainly hope not.  That's a lot to keep track of.  I have too many other important things in life to keep track of already.

But at the same time, I really don't want to blanket cover every social liberty to everyone I meet.  It's personalizing that social relationship with each person you know that helps create a bond.

Which brings up the bigger question: If there are things that someone else does that annoy me, how do I react?  Am I just as bothered as some are with me when another person does something that is bothersome?  How blunt and honest should one be?

All of these questions I ask myself in a self-evaluative sort of way when I find myself in said annoyed circumstances.

I believe I'm pretty tolerant with others.  And of course, I would like others to have the same self-tolerance with me.  If that means being honest and verbally discussing something direct to the other party, then that's the best "get it all out in the open" resolve to correcting one's self, even if it's not the most friendly mode of relay.

So am I off base here?  Am I reading more into this on the method of social corrections amongst responsible adults?  Or am I justified in how I feel, dejected feelings and all? 

And what about the other party?  What actions are they required to meet?  Do they "pass the buck," breaking the ego-deflating news to another member of the affected party?

These are all just answers in the game of trying to figure out another member of the human race.

Because I'd like know an easier solution if one exists.