The Start and The End

It appears this will only be my second blog post here for 2014.  I don't think that's a bad thing, considering the topics I post out here are mostly bitching and ranting about things in my life.  And I've not flooded my main blog with too many details of my struggles with distractions.

Let's just say that I am really wanting and will make an effort for 2015 to be a year where any posts here will be praise for what happened.

It's been an interesting year, based solely off my first post, where I applied for a job but didn't get it and have been stuck at my current job since.  There was always a hope to leave.  I had a couple of phone interviews and one in person.  I realized I am not prepared for an enterprise IT job, at least on a Goldman Sachs level.  Nothing like knowing you blew a 2 hour interview 35 mins into it.  Learning experience, that's what it's called.

Stuck is an interesting verb to use to explain a situation that's almost entirely in my control.  Yes, I applied for jobs this year, but I could have pushed harder.  It's most certainly not because I don't want a new job, which I most sorely need for 2015 to be a better success story than 2014 was.  I had several job opportunities presented to me, but either I applied and wasn't qualified or I spent too much time pontificating over the position and my confidence level that I never applied.  Yes, you read that right.

One of the first courses of action while looking for a professional counselor that understands where I am at is to push for a new job.  In fact, I'm making it a goal for January to find something.  I feel I have overstayed my welcome here and need this change more than anything to help me get out of my comfortably unhappy state and take that first risk into changing.

Let's see what my next post out here will say.  Hope it's a step in the right direction towards gaining a positive foothold back into my life.

Loyalty Goes Both Ways

I learned today that a job I applied and interviewed for, went to the other candidate I was up against.

I have no clue who this other candidate is, but obviously he was the better choice for this position.  It was just myself and this other person that made it past the second interviews.  As a constellation prize, I was told that another position will open up in June and that they would like to talk to me at that point.

Also, I get to remain employed at the job I've been at for almost 11 years now.  Which makes me reflect on my time there:

• I have never once traveled with this company even though we have multiple offices
• It's been just shy of 6 years since my last raise
• My last raise was me quitting in October 2007 and coming back in February 2008
• I am no longer challenged by any of my given responsibilities
• My last 3 bonuses have all been half of what they were the previous time
• I do have a lot of flex time, which is nice when I am asked to do things for other people in my life
• I get 5 weeks of vacation and I use up every single hour that I earn. Each and every year

I was hoping that being dedicated (I've not taken a single unscheduled day off for sickness in over two years), coming in when there is an issue (I live 3 miles away, which is 1 mile closer than one co-worker and 20 miles closer than the other co-worker), always having my phone with me to answer it, staying late when needed would somehow be shown in ways other than the occasional "Attaboy".

Instead, I do my best to appreciate a regular paycheck, which I discovered today, is less take home pay than I made 6 years ago when I returned to the company. And employment that I seem to not be in any imminent danger of jeopardizing.

So in six years, I have not moved forward.  I have not stayed stationary.  I have regressed in many ways.  The loyalty I have given these last six years has all been for naught.  Well, it does garner an impressive response to friends, family and job interviews.  Which I label as a positive.  So long as I use that positive to find much more gainful employment at a company that understands loyalty goes both ways.

Yes, folks.  I am making efforts to leave the job I loathe.  Today was just a minor setback in my quest to take my loyalty elsewhere.