14 Years

I didnt post much out here this year. Which means I didn't complain much. Even though I had a lot to complain about.

No, I want to end 2013 on this particular blog on a mostly positive note.

For the previous 14 years, my daughter spent every Christmas Eve with my ex-wife and her family. There was no "every other year" schedule like some divorced parents handle things.  I simply wasn't given the option. But this year, my ex-wife decided to make changes in her life, which didn't include my daughter.  And like every single year of her life since the divorce, I was there for my daughter, who I did get to spend not just Christmas Eve with, but a good 4 months living in the same house, until she moved out on her own for the first time in her life.

A major postive change and moving forward.  Yet, making her papa proud and happy.  And elated I was.  A bit emotional on Christmas morning as well, as I was able to wake up with my daughter in the same house in that same 14 years absense.

On this same Christmas Eve night, another event 14 years in the making was the marriage of my step-daughter's father and his partner, thanks to the current legalizing of same-sex marriage in Utah.  It was a joyous moment amongst family and one that I was very happy to share in the good news reveal.

Aside from traveling and turning 50, I didn't feel much positive and progress happened for me in 2013.  But given how Christmas Eve turned out, it ended with greatness and giving me a boost of hope that 2014 will be a much better year.

Expected vs. Willing

For my first post of 2013 (and the first in over 4 months), I decided to tackle the topic of expected and willing.

The idea of being expected to do something is the negative side of being a responsible person in life. You've set a precedent that others come to be familiar with. If you deviate just once from that pattern, it comes across as negative. Like succeeding 99% of the time and getting little to no credit for that, but that 1% failure is mentioned and takes center stage for all of those you surround yourself with.

That idea is where we as a human race fail. We like and crave praise, but it rarely happens.

As for the willing part, that's a fine line to define. There are many things in life that I do that are expected of me, but ones that I am willing to do. Because I want to. To those that don't know you are willingly doing something, they see it as an expectation. Does it matter that they don't see it as something you are willing to do? Yes, it actually does. But saying something to that effect might have you come across as expecting them to accept you as a willing participant and not as an expected member of the community.

They might worry that if you are not willing to do a previously expected task, that it won't get done. And there in lies the dichotomy that plays out in my head every day.

Of course, that would be setting a new expectation. One of reducing the expectations and creating more willing tasks.

I'm willing to accept that expectation.

Each Negative That Happens

I've told myself several times in the last year that I've been wanting a change in my life.  Going on 27 years in the IT industry, I have found that each time I am tasked with something that has to do with fixing a computer, I cringe or complain or put off the task as long as I can before people start demanding it to be done.  Each thing that I see as a negative, it gets me that much closer to pushing myself to changing my situation.

I've reached the point in the last 4 weeks that I really am pushing to leave my job in late September/early October. And not for another IT job. If, for some reason I need to spend one more stint of employment as an IT professional, it will be to pay the bills and just to make a change.  But my push is for me to finally get back to where I was in my writing career... happy, excited, challenged and wanting to spend time doing what I like and love to do.