This blog is many things to me, but for most of the posts I've created out here, they have been complaints about my life.
My last post talked about making changes. Most of these changes are related to things I am passion about, which is changing what I do for a living. After 28 years as a Network Admin, I am needing/wanting a change.
I am very passionate about wanting this change. But more than anything, I am passionate about the many projects I have going on. I want to complete them. But I let too many other things in life get in the way of working on them to completion. This eats at me a lot.. multiple times a day as I encounter the things that distract me.
I keep thinking I will reach that point of "I CAN"T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" but then another day comes along where I deal with these things that block me from moving forward.
I've come to the recent conclusion that I can't let these distractions worry me or prevent me from completing my personal and business projects. While I've been ok to let them make me feel a lack of passion at my day job, I've let that lack bleed over to my own personal life outside of the day job. That is where my main frustration level grows larger by the day and the hour.
I must simply find the best and most effective way to work through my personal life and day job responsibilities, while rediscovering the passion I used to have for making videos, writing stories and blogging my life's adventures. It's the only thing that I can see that will relieve me of my complaints, stress and irritations.
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I have a guess that:
ReplyDelete1) The family/work responsibilities part isn't leaving you with any *time* for your own stuff, and
2) Tiredness & being out of the creative habit(s) for a while now have grayed everything out.
Roughly similar to my own scenario, but without the family element, which of course is huge.
But I know you want this. It would be so much easier & so much more of a relief to pursue your efforts if you didn't have to feel they were a guilty pleasure, a side thing, not a priority. It might even be fading into a less concrete & more abstract idea. I'm not sure any fellow grown-up (peer) in your immediate surroundings encourages you.to prioritize your life's dream at the #1 position. Ideally, people who love an artist/creator should insist upon them developing their talents, practicing; it's their job to encourage, take up slack, worry if you're feeling the way you're feeling right now & do everything they can to cajole you out of it and into your right life. When the initiative is incumbent upon you alone, or you mostly, it's insanely harder than it should be. If you're DIScouraged, or this aspect of who you are is dismissed or worse, it's crazy-making. It seems to look close to impossible. But of course it is not, and I know the embers of knowledge & understanding of the fact that it all remains as possible as ever are still casting their light in your mind.
I feel sure that whatever best and most effective way you find, it will entail doing that priority thing first: parking what you want to do with your time & energy at the #1 spot. It involves developing some faith that the other important stuff will get taken care of, one way or the other (it will), which can be a difficult leap. An impractical-looking, illogical-seeming, overwhelmingly giant leap that would seem to invite accusations of selfishness & irresponsibility. You have to be prepared to know & remember what is truer than those things. The greater good that will be gained by that leap.
For whatever it's worth, I am cheering you on & have the highest hopes for you as always. I have faith in you & I know you can do it.
:)
Cath... finally responding after many months.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great insight and I do appreciate the cheering on.
On the not enough time issue, I do attribute a large part of that to poor time management on my part. Granted, a lot of that gets chewed up in always being and doing the responsible things.
Your number 2 item pins me exactly, to a T. This grayed out feeling and process is something that is a struggle for me to get over. Since this is now July 2014 and I haven't overcome this lack of passion yet, I have a feeling that I am going to need to take more drastic measures to kick me back into creative play.