So last night, I was scheduled off bowling on the summer league. There was a concert that I was planning to attend, but the band canceled and none of the people I had planned to go with were still wanting to go see the replacement band they scheduled. So instead, I decided to go cheer my team on while they bowled.
I also found time to visit the bar at the bowling alley and throw back a few drinks. Now if you've known me when I drink, I'm a happy drinker. I'm not angry, nor do I get all weird or odd when I drink. I smile and have a good time.
But as sometimes happens with consuming alcohol, we all tend to increase the volume in our voice to some degree. And evidently saying the word "whiskey" many times throughout the night was annoying to someone on the other team. They didn't tell me, but told my wife, who then told me to "tone it down" The third time she told me this is when she mentioned the person on the other team. So I toned it down... way down. To a mostly silent level.
After the last game was over, I congratulated the other team on their win and apologized to the person I was being "too loud" to. She seemed a bit confused and said that it was ok and that it wasn't an issue. It wasn't until the car ride home with my wife that I learned SHE was the person I was being "too loud" for, not the other bowling.
This is not new. There have been many times in the years we have been together that there are things I do that bother her. Slurping coffee or soup, the occasional smacking of the lips after eating something, shaking my leg at night when I sleep. And many others. I have taken note of them after we have our discussion about it, which then turns into me stopping the thing I do.
We ended up having quite the discussion about the "loudness" last night and this morning before I left for work. She made it known to me that it wasn't about me being happy... she just simply wanted me to tone it down in that particular setting.
How I work and operate is that I try to not do things that annoying people. And over the years, I've made extra efforts to stop those things around my wife, even to the point to when she is not around, I have that level of "I need to make sure I don't do that" And in general, that's a respectful thing. And it has the benefit of, just in case it bothers other people besides my wife, I get a win for not being annoying to the public.
But it's a consumable list of items that I add to here which prompts a long discussion, followed by a cool off period which is then forgotten until I do something else that bothers her and we repeat the whole drama situation over.
I hate drama with a fucking passion and I do what it takes to avoid it at all costs. Yet, for some reason, as I add now yet another item to my "don't do that" list, I've pushed myself into another round of drama. Did I make a big deal out of nothing? Quite possibly, but at the same time, I struggle with the understanding of being with someone who tells me often that I'm a good guy, yet will find the thing that I do that bothers her that makes me question the title of "good guy."
Have I set the bar too high? Am I that good of a guy that my wife expects so much more out of me and each little thing I do that bugs her has to be squashed?
At this point, it's just a level of frustration added to my list of "don't do that" on top of the other shit that I am personally dealing with (projects in various states of incompleteness) and another dramatic episode that I try so hard not to repeat.
Another round of drinks please. I'll be over here quietly managing my lists.
August 10, 2012
July 19, 2012
Reduction
Since last November, I started going back to the gym. And until the first week of April, I worked out and didn't lose more than three pounds. Nor did I get any fitter, with the exception of being able to climb stairs without getting overly winded. I just enjoyed my cheese curds, bacon cheeseburgers and cheese sprinkled liberally on all of my salads.
Starting the second week of April, and after several discussions with a friend, I decided I wanted to see if I could lose more than just three pounds. So I started counting calories and watching what I eat (which is not to be confused with watching myself eat the food I was putting in my mouth).
Today, I am down 13 pounds since November. Not my ultimate goal (I still have 5 more pounds to go for that), but it's been nice to see I could do something like this.
Most of the changes came from sticking to a set number of calories I consume each day, combined with exercise most days. For example, my daily sandwich omits items that carry a lot of calories in a single serving - like mayo (which I love). A very thin layer conceals the top of the bread. Replaced the majority of the mayo with mustard (which has little to no calories, depending on the brand and type).
While it's a nice change, I still splurge every so often (mostly booze) and then add an extra 10 minutes to my workout and drink more water.
I've got many more goals, projects and personal tasks I want to get done, and I will use this experience to show I can actually make it work.
Now to go find that 150 calorie snack I brought to work today.
June 27, 2012
Being Asked vs. Being Told
Last night, right after I told my wife that I was going to steak dinner with a friend, she asked a big favor of me.
Earlier, she mentioned that she was going to a play with her friend/boss/co-worker and wouldn't be able to mow the lawn. It had been a while since I had mowed the lawn... last year, I believe. It's not hard, it's just awkward and it's not the easiest lawn to mow, which doesn't make it hard, just not easy.
So of course I said I would, but time wise, I wanted to plan to still make dinner with my friend, not really giving me much time to visit with him if I waited until after work to mow the lawn then racing over to the bar. Or going to the bar, wolfing down dinner and drinks then racing home to mow the lawn before it got dark. This convoluted mess of time mixed in my head for a couple of hours this morning and I finally came up with a resolve.
Go home at lunch and mow the lawn.
The sun was out, I sweated a little and finished the monster task in under an hour. I'm sure I missed a few spots (but not as many as would be missed in the dusk-to-dark hour). Now my mind is free and I can hang out with my friend and enjoy dinner and cocktails without guilt or being rushed.
Which brings me to the subject of this post. There are many times in the last few years where I've had many distractions that have gotten in the way of things I wanted to do. Some of those are requests from my spouse that almost always seem to have that timing that conflicts with other things I want to do. I have no defense for those times I mindlessly surf the web at home and am the least bit productive. Those times are always followed with a "Yes dear" and the task gets completed sooner than later.
But when conflict presents itself, my mind plays out different scenarios of how I can do both the thing I want and the thing my wife wants. That, in of itself, is where a good manager of time can avoid conflict and enjoy life. I am not quite there yet in that Time Manager title, but someday, I hope to be.
It will be a day that I will both enjoy and missing the eventual conflict.
Earlier, she mentioned that she was going to a play with her friend/boss/co-worker and wouldn't be able to mow the lawn. It had been a while since I had mowed the lawn... last year, I believe. It's not hard, it's just awkward and it's not the easiest lawn to mow, which doesn't make it hard, just not easy.
So of course I said I would, but time wise, I wanted to plan to still make dinner with my friend, not really giving me much time to visit with him if I waited until after work to mow the lawn then racing over to the bar. Or going to the bar, wolfing down dinner and drinks then racing home to mow the lawn before it got dark. This convoluted mess of time mixed in my head for a couple of hours this morning and I finally came up with a resolve.
Go home at lunch and mow the lawn.
The sun was out, I sweated a little and finished the monster task in under an hour. I'm sure I missed a few spots (but not as many as would be missed in the dusk-to-dark hour). Now my mind is free and I can hang out with my friend and enjoy dinner and cocktails without guilt or being rushed.
Which brings me to the subject of this post. There are many times in the last few years where I've had many distractions that have gotten in the way of things I wanted to do. Some of those are requests from my spouse that almost always seem to have that timing that conflicts with other things I want to do. I have no defense for those times I mindlessly surf the web at home and am the least bit productive. Those times are always followed with a "Yes dear" and the task gets completed sooner than later.
But when conflict presents itself, my mind plays out different scenarios of how I can do both the thing I want and the thing my wife wants. That, in of itself, is where a good manager of time can avoid conflict and enjoy life. I am not quite there yet in that Time Manager title, but someday, I hope to be.
It will be a day that I will both enjoy and missing the eventual conflict.
June 25, 2012
Vacation Return
Returning back to work after a nine-day vacation is not the easiest thing to do. It's always better when things are busy and not too crazy. Today was one of those days. I appreciate them when I can get them.
The idea of taking a long enough vacation is to go somewhere you haven't before and to also have time to unwind. I was able to accomplish that last week. Another thing I very much appreciate very much.
I was unplugged from the internet a good deal of the time and while I missed tweeting my every move (ok, I'm not that bad), it was nice to get away from the "checking tweets" mode and enjoy where I was (Alaska).
Now it's back to daily life and waiting for the next set of days I can take some time off.
The idea of taking a long enough vacation is to go somewhere you haven't before and to also have time to unwind. I was able to accomplish that last week. Another thing I very much appreciate very much.
I was unplugged from the internet a good deal of the time and while I missed tweeting my every move (ok, I'm not that bad), it was nice to get away from the "checking tweets" mode and enjoy where I was (Alaska).
Now it's back to daily life and waiting for the next set of days I can take some time off.
May 15, 2012
Each Negative That Happens
I've told myself several times in the last year that I've been wanting a change in my life. Going on 27 years in the IT industry, I have found that each time I am tasked with something that has to do with fixing a computer, I cringe or complain or put off the task as long as I can before people start demanding it to be done. Each thing that I see as a negative, it gets me that much closer to pushing myself to changing my situation.
I've reached the point in the last 4 weeks that I really am pushing to leave my job in late September/early October. And not for another IT job. If, for some reason I need to spend one more stint of employment as an IT professional, it will be to pay the bills and just to make a change. But my push is for me to finally get back to where I was in my writing career... happy, excited, challenged and wanting to spend time doing what I like and love to do.
I've reached the point in the last 4 weeks that I really am pushing to leave my job in late September/early October. And not for another IT job. If, for some reason I need to spend one more stint of employment as an IT professional, it will be to pay the bills and just to make a change. But my push is for me to finally get back to where I was in my writing career... happy, excited, challenged and wanting to spend time doing what I like and love to do.
May 9, 2012
Make It More Illegal
Yesterday, North Carolina voters took to the polls to pass an amendment that makes same-sex marriage (and any legal rights for co-habitating heteros) illegal, enshrining discrimination once again in their state constitution (it last happened in 1875 with interracial marriage). But same-sex marriage was already illegal in the state. I'm not sure why they felt they really needed to make it more illegal. Let's take this idiotic idea and extend it to other laws.
Speeding
Going over the speed limit is illegal. So to make it more illegal, why not pass a law that requires all cars to have a GPS-enabled governor so they can never go above the posted speed limit. Speed limit says 35... your car can't go above it, thanks to the newly passed law.
Littering
Most littering (with the exception of water and feathers in California) is illegal. How do we make this more illegal and prevent it from ever happening? Add an RFID chip to each and every paper, cup, bag and potential item of waste so the next time you go to toss it out of your car while cruising down the highway, it comes right back into the vehicle.
Tax Evasion
If you don't pay your taxes, it's considered illegal on the books. But until the IRS tracks you down years later, you get to keep the money longer. Not so if we pass a make it more illegal. You forget to pay, the government just takes it right out of your checking account. Pay everything in cash? The cash dissolves in your wallet and the former paper bill gets electronically deposited to the IRS.
The illogic of these "proposed" laws to make things more illegal is stupid. Yet, that's what the majority of the voters in North Carolina did yesterday. Took something that was already illegal and made sure it really was illegal.
Good thing that state has a history of rewriting it's constitution, for someday years from now, this discrimination will be removed and equality will add another chapter in history.
Speeding
Going over the speed limit is illegal. So to make it more illegal, why not pass a law that requires all cars to have a GPS-enabled governor so they can never go above the posted speed limit. Speed limit says 35... your car can't go above it, thanks to the newly passed law.
Littering
Most littering (with the exception of water and feathers in California) is illegal. How do we make this more illegal and prevent it from ever happening? Add an RFID chip to each and every paper, cup, bag and potential item of waste so the next time you go to toss it out of your car while cruising down the highway, it comes right back into the vehicle.
Tax Evasion
If you don't pay your taxes, it's considered illegal on the books. But until the IRS tracks you down years later, you get to keep the money longer. Not so if we pass a make it more illegal. You forget to pay, the government just takes it right out of your checking account. Pay everything in cash? The cash dissolves in your wallet and the former paper bill gets electronically deposited to the IRS.
The illogic of these "proposed" laws to make things more illegal is stupid. Yet, that's what the majority of the voters in North Carolina did yesterday. Took something that was already illegal and made sure it really was illegal.
Good thing that state has a history of rewriting it's constitution, for someday years from now, this discrimination will be removed and equality will add another chapter in history.
April 25, 2012
Thankless and Resentful
I was reading an article today about being burnt out and how it was a form of resentment. And after reading it, I had to agree.
My burnt out state at my current company is a form of resentment. In the way that I resent how I've been treated in the almost 9 years I've been here.
Twice now at this company, I've been relegated to Desktop Support (my title and main job is Network Admin), which in most companies, is a thankless job. Thankless, because even though there are a good number of people that say "thank you" when you make their computer work again, it's the upper brass that couldn't give two shits about that reliable employee.
The first time, I quit, went to another company for 3 months and then got wooed back into the Borg. Two years ago, they laid off our much appreciated by many desktop guy and it's been going downhill ever since. The last few months have been particularly cruel and undeserving, which lead me to decide to finally set a date to move on and stop the employment abuse.
Carrying this level of resentment has been an albatross and one that I will be happy to get rid of.
Which will also turn that thankless position in for one that is once again appreciated.
My burnt out state at my current company is a form of resentment. In the way that I resent how I've been treated in the almost 9 years I've been here.
Twice now at this company, I've been relegated to Desktop Support (my title and main job is Network Admin), which in most companies, is a thankless job. Thankless, because even though there are a good number of people that say "thank you" when you make their computer work again, it's the upper brass that couldn't give two shits about that reliable employee.
The first time, I quit, went to another company for 3 months and then got wooed back into the Borg. Two years ago, they laid off our much appreciated by many desktop guy and it's been going downhill ever since. The last few months have been particularly cruel and undeserving, which lead me to decide to finally set a date to move on and stop the employment abuse.
Carrying this level of resentment has been an albatross and one that I will be happy to get rid of.
Which will also turn that thankless position in for one that is once again appreciated.
February 10, 2012
Religious Policy Is Ignorance
Today's top news story was the Obama administration bowing to pressure from the Catholic church on the forced coverage of contraception to all businesses. Last time I checked, just about every organized religion is a business with employees, an accounting department and benefits.
Religion has gotten so powerful to cause a change in public policy, yet when someone wants them to change and stop trying to implement laws on a book that is more than 2000 years old, they claim religious discrimination and that we are not respecting their beliefs.
Something is so very wrong with this picture.
The idea that family planning on a modern level cannot be allowed just busts my balls. Oh, my bad. Maybe the busting of ones' balls means no contraception can destroy a human life, that would make these backwards religious leaders pleased as punch.
Seriously, when are we going to grow up as a society and stop letting these supposed leaders control the majority of the citizens - including a growing number that believes in no religion? It might be for a while, but I surely wish it would happen sooner.
And speaking of busted balls, maybe someday we will have a political system that grows a pair and tells these illogical control freaks to stay the fuck out of individual family planning.
Religion has gotten so powerful to cause a change in public policy, yet when someone wants them to change and stop trying to implement laws on a book that is more than 2000 years old, they claim religious discrimination and that we are not respecting their beliefs.
Something is so very wrong with this picture.
The idea that family planning on a modern level cannot be allowed just busts my balls. Oh, my bad. Maybe the busting of ones' balls means no contraception can destroy a human life, that would make these backwards religious leaders pleased as punch.
Seriously, when are we going to grow up as a society and stop letting these supposed leaders control the majority of the citizens - including a growing number that believes in no religion? It might be for a while, but I surely wish it would happen sooner.
And speaking of busted balls, maybe someday we will have a political system that grows a pair and tells these illogical control freaks to stay the fuck out of individual family planning.
February 8, 2012
New Year's Catch Up
To the hundreds of readers I have on this blog, I thought I would post an update since my last post, which was three days before Christmas 2011.
My concerns over Christmas turned out to not be concerns after all. Amazing what growing a set of balls and standing one's ground on their feeling and emotions will do. Christmas day was drama free and I had a nice day with my family.
As for 2012 so far, it's going. I went to CES in Las Vegas and had a great week filled with seeing gadgets and winning gadgets. My wife even had some of her own winning at the slot machines.
I've been pushing myself to get the gym more often. It's a basic gym that costs less than $11 a month and it's close to home. A good feeling that I know is helping me feel better.
Proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional this week in the state of California. I posted over on my main blog about what this has done for the state since it passed. What gets me is the amount of money and time that is put into this by people this does not affect, yet their impact on the lives of others they don't give two shits about is the end result of denying them the right to marry. Equally puzzling is the Mormon church, who up until 1890, supported a marriage that wasn't "only between a man and a woman." Now they are against any "non-traditional" form of marriage - except of course after they die and can practice polygamy without that pesky government getting involved with their "godly laws." A bit hypocritical, if you ask me.
Last October, I had a physical where the doctor told me my blood sugar was a bit high. He put me on these pills called metFormin, which are used to help control the amount of insulin that my body produces. I need to go get my blood checked again soon to see if they made a difference.
After nine years with the same car, I traded it in for a brand new 2012 Nissan Sentra SR Special Edition. It's my first new car in over 25 years and it feels fucking fantastic (to borrow a line from Lily Allen' "The Fear"). Of course, I enjoyed no car payment (not counting the repair bills I put on my Midas card) for 4 years.
And that's a wrap. Let's see if I can come back here at least once a month with some more words of wisdom (not related to the religion I no longer believe in).
My concerns over Christmas turned out to not be concerns after all. Amazing what growing a set of balls and standing one's ground on their feeling and emotions will do. Christmas day was drama free and I had a nice day with my family.
As for 2012 so far, it's going. I went to CES in Las Vegas and had a great week filled with seeing gadgets and winning gadgets. My wife even had some of her own winning at the slot machines.
I've been pushing myself to get the gym more often. It's a basic gym that costs less than $11 a month and it's close to home. A good feeling that I know is helping me feel better.
Proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional this week in the state of California. I posted over on my main blog about what this has done for the state since it passed. What gets me is the amount of money and time that is put into this by people this does not affect, yet their impact on the lives of others they don't give two shits about is the end result of denying them the right to marry. Equally puzzling is the Mormon church, who up until 1890, supported a marriage that wasn't "only between a man and a woman." Now they are against any "non-traditional" form of marriage - except of course after they die and can practice polygamy without that pesky government getting involved with their "godly laws." A bit hypocritical, if you ask me.
Last October, I had a physical where the doctor told me my blood sugar was a bit high. He put me on these pills called metFormin, which are used to help control the amount of insulin that my body produces. I need to go get my blood checked again soon to see if they made a difference.
After nine years with the same car, I traded it in for a brand new 2012 Nissan Sentra SR Special Edition. It's my first new car in over 25 years and it feels fucking fantastic (to borrow a line from Lily Allen' "The Fear"). Of course, I enjoyed no car payment (not counting the repair bills I put on my Midas card) for 4 years.
And that's a wrap. Let's see if I can come back here at least once a month with some more words of wisdom (not related to the religion I no longer believe in).
December 22, 2011
Holiday Hum Drum
Since last Christmas, I've really been so-so about the whole holiday season. Not Scrooge like, but more like not really being happy in general.
There are a lot a issues going on in my head, one of which is the dark cloud of unknown that comes between some people in my life. I try to please others before attending to my own desires and needs. Granted, I do a lot and have support from others to do it, without guilt or the permission asking steps that normally need to be taken.
But since the events that took place at the end of October 2010, I've been blah about the holiday season. I'm hoping that the marathon conversation I had the other night with my wife will help to some degree. Guess we'l see what Santa brings on Christmas Day.
There are a lot a issues going on in my head, one of which is the dark cloud of unknown that comes between some people in my life. I try to please others before attending to my own desires and needs. Granted, I do a lot and have support from others to do it, without guilt or the permission asking steps that normally need to be taken.
But since the events that took place at the end of October 2010, I've been blah about the holiday season. I'm hoping that the marathon conversation I had the other night with my wife will help to some degree. Guess we'l see what Santa brings on Christmas Day.
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